TWITTER - it's really me NOW

Here's the thing: you should not impersonate somebody online or anywhere else for that matter, famous or not. You should not pretend to be me, for example. On Twitter, specifically. 

You will get found out. Like when you "twittered" that I was doing "A". But David Wain (director of Role Models out on DVD March 10!) was sitting at my house and knew for a fact that I was doing "B." So when he got "my" twitter, he replied to you. And then you felt terrible and now we are all good because you gave me back my identity. So that's something. 

I appreciate that you are a fan. But seriously? 

I appreciate the apology. I will now Twitter as ME! And you can follow along if you like. 

Oscar Night Fart Paws

It's over! Awards season, that is. I went to some parties and made some serious faux paux. That's fancy French for "public f-k ups." Like did you know that Brits don't really like Sting that much? The cool Brits anyway. Not sure why. But I will never talk about liking Sting with British people ever again. I mean, if they bring it up first, then fine. Otherwise, my lips are sealed. Because it was total foot-in-mouth. 

I also asked one famous person how their spouse was. Being nice. Like one does. The answer: we're divorcing. Fun times. 

Ryan Phillippe is cool. He's talented and handsome. He's always nice to me. He made the ultra-suave move of shaking my hand across a table: "It's been a long time," he says. To which I reply some gibberish: "yeah-um-us-an-then-love-seeing-your-work-um-cool" with the kicker being that I gave him the decidedly uncool two-thumbs-up. WTF? Two thumbs up? What am I, his grandmother? His Aunt Bessie from Nova Scotia? Who does that? I'll tell you who: me. Fart paw. 

IFC/AMC Spirit Awards

Presented with my ol' friend, "Mr. Gorgeous" Bradley Cooper at the Spirit Awards. Ya'll know we go back to Wet Hot American Summer together. David Wain is actually staying at my house right now while he works on his next script and "takes some meetings." 

The Spirits were made amazing by an incredible speech from Mickey Rourke (a must-see) that made me want him to win at the Oscars tonight because whatever he ends up saying in his acceptance speech will be priceless. ABC must be shitting themselves because if the number of f-bombs he dropped yesterday is any indication, ABC will be paying a bunch a fines when he wins. 

Mercy Corps video on Funny or Die!

ELIZABETH BANKS wants to talk trash - watch more funny videos

LENO FRIDAY 30th/UNINVITED OPENS!

The Uninvited & other random crap

As you have all guessed by now, I am completely computer illiterate. At least, I am especially not blog savvy. I don't even know how to make these pictures look better. Anyway, go see The Uninvited, it opens Friday, January 30th. It is a cool movie. I try to only make cool movies. I think I've established a decent track record so you can trust me. This one is cool. And scary but in a good way. And I play a badass. Which was fun for me and hopefully for you to watch. 

Thank you, MySpace peeps, for checking in. I know I'm supposed to be on Facebook (and maybe I am under a crazy pseudonym!) but I can only handle so much incoming. And I'm not psyched by the "why don't you add me, bitch?" pokes or whatever from perfect strangers. I can't get to everything. I'm sorry. Believe me, I love the passion of fans and I appreciate any interest, I do. So let's agree I'm doing my best here and I'm not ignoring you or ungrateful. We're all busy. Personally, I realized about 3 years ago that I will be tired for the next 20 years. Non-stop. Exhausted. 

I am actually writing this on a little down-time from making L'Oreal commercials. I'm pretty psyched about them. I love this company. And I have to go to bed soon so I don't have nasty puffy eyes with dark circles under them. Since, like I said, I like this job and want to keep it. 

Oh, I saw Vince Neil on the street today. Yup, formerly of Motley Crue, foe of Axl Rose, Surreal Life "star" and strip poker afficionado, Vince Neil. In front of a Beverly Hills nail shop. I can only presume he was waiting his turn for a buff and shine. Love that guy. 

The Tides Zihuatanejo - so relaxing.

Fireworks over the beach in Mexico. 

Happy New Year! 

Resolution: every time someone offers me water, I must say yes. I don't drink enough water. 

Stay hydrated!